Uwe Boll: Germany's answer to Roger Corman.
Why are there no decent movies coming out on my birthday? Instead of decent flicks, like the new Tommy Lee Jones movie or "Robots," I get shitfests like "Ring Two" and "Ice Princess," which is some feel-good Disney fantasy starring Michelle Trachtenburg and Kim Cattrall, who was the slutty, VD-infected one from the feminist "Sex in the City." Somehow, I missed how 4 women fucking their way through all the available men in the greater New York City is supposed to make women this force to reckoned with in terms of feminism, but then again, I have a penis and girls have a vagina.
And that's not to say I wasn't a fan of this show. I loved it. The only porn my father bought willingly. I sat through 6 goddamn seasons of an HBO show that was never a good idea on paper, let alone on celluloid. The most I got out of this show is the tired argument that men can fuck around all we want too, while women have to be prudes or their known as whores and sluts. And this show is supposed to teach them otherwise? I watched this show and thought to myself, "well, now I know who's easy in L.A. and will spread their legs at the drop of a hat." And other men who watched it probably thought something like, "hey, if I tell women I watch this show, they'll fuck me!"
Somehow I don't think that's the message the creators were going for.
And I skipped "Family Guy" last night to watch "House of the Dead." Why? Because I'm a fucking idiot, is why. Everytime I watch it, I wonder two things: one, why the fuck am I watching this pile of vomitious excrement? And two, who the fuck is goddamn retarded enough to actually think that their are a group of islands outside of SEATTLE FUCKING WASHINGTON that have been named the San Juan islands?
These are not people I have a lot of confidence in. I sat and watched it for like, the 3rd time last night, and thought to myself, "OK, this is Clint Howard in it. If that's not a sign to stay the fuck away from this movie, and I use that word loosely, then I dunno what is."
At point, this black girl with the dick-sucking lips is talking to a male model, who's face has been burned away by an acid-spitting zombie. Yeah, I can't make this up, no amount of drugs could bring this sight to my eyes. And so the guy is like, "are you doing this for me?" 'Cause the girl was doing the whole romantic thing that for some reason, still happens when you're in times of crisis. And her reply is, "I'm doing this for me."
Which to me seems slightly...rude. I'd be like, "hey bitch, which one of us has a goddamn hole in the middle of his fucking cheek? That's right, me. Why not drink a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up and put those DSL's to good use? The big-tittied bitch with the tie-down shirt is too busy getting ready for good ol' ex-sex."
Of course, that's just me. I'm different.
And that's not to say I wasn't a fan of this show. I loved it. The only porn my father bought willingly. I sat through 6 goddamn seasons of an HBO show that was never a good idea on paper, let alone on celluloid. The most I got out of this show is the tired argument that men can fuck around all we want too, while women have to be prudes or their known as whores and sluts. And this show is supposed to teach them otherwise? I watched this show and thought to myself, "well, now I know who's easy in L.A. and will spread their legs at the drop of a hat." And other men who watched it probably thought something like, "hey, if I tell women I watch this show, they'll fuck me!"
Somehow I don't think that's the message the creators were going for.
And I skipped "Family Guy" last night to watch "House of the Dead." Why? Because I'm a fucking idiot, is why. Everytime I watch it, I wonder two things: one, why the fuck am I watching this pile of vomitious excrement? And two, who the fuck is goddamn retarded enough to actually think that their are a group of islands outside of SEATTLE FUCKING WASHINGTON that have been named the San Juan islands?
These are not people I have a lot of confidence in. I sat and watched it for like, the 3rd time last night, and thought to myself, "OK, this is Clint Howard in it. If that's not a sign to stay the fuck away from this movie, and I use that word loosely, then I dunno what is."
At point, this black girl with the dick-sucking lips is talking to a male model, who's face has been burned away by an acid-spitting zombie. Yeah, I can't make this up, no amount of drugs could bring this sight to my eyes. And so the guy is like, "are you doing this for me?" 'Cause the girl was doing the whole romantic thing that for some reason, still happens when you're in times of crisis. And her reply is, "I'm doing this for me."
Which to me seems slightly...rude. I'd be like, "hey bitch, which one of us has a goddamn hole in the middle of his fucking cheek? That's right, me. Why not drink a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up and put those DSL's to good use? The big-tittied bitch with the tie-down shirt is too busy getting ready for good ol' ex-sex."
Of course, that's just me. I'm different.
posted by Adam at
2:42 PM
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