Oh, holy shit. Reverend Jim Jones, where are you with your special Kool-Aid!?
I asked somebody what Scientology is. And now I know. Apparently, L. Ron Hubbard sucked as a writer, so he created this religion based on the thought that long ago, millions of years ago, there was an alien battle. And then something happened to these aliens, and now they inhabit our bodies. These little bastards, known in the scientific world as "germs," cause a negative energy called theta. And if you send these people your money, they'll ascend you to a higher level, eventually leading you to the supreme level.
Yeah, I can't make this up. There are no drugs that I've tried that would make me hallucinate something like that, and I've done some serious shit. Peyote, LSD, acid, angel dust, mesca-something, I've done TONS of hallucinogens, because if I'm gonna do drugs, I'm gonna be seeing weird sounds and hearing strange colors. And on none of it did I see or hear anything resembling that!
Two websites you should check out is this and this. The first, if you're too goddamn lazy to click the mouse, is the Scientology-approved website. Type in your address, town, state, and zipcode to see where your nearest church is. I'm saddened to say that, son of a bitch, even Marshall, home to some of the biggest dumbasses around, has one. The second is one I couldn't get to pull up, but you might have better luck.
I mean, I can see why the non-celebrities get into this. You actually buy into this crap, and you get to hang out with your favorite celebrities. Only somebody like Tom Cruise or John Travolta could be this goddamn stupid. To honestly believe that aliens came to Earth, fought a war, were scattered to the winds, and now reside in humans is beyond all rational thought. My first question is, who did the aliens fight? The dinosaurs? Actually, I'd buy that fucking theory, you know why? IT'D HELP EXPLAIN WHY THEY WENT EXTINCT!
So what ended up killing this invading aliens? Could that actually be the big bang? The universe created in that instant, wiping you out, and God creating Adam and Eve? Well, that's semi-plausible, except for one thing. You see, when God got pissed back in the day, He had a tendency to just kill everyone and everything. Don't believe me? Well, what about the flood and Noah's ark? According to the Old Testament, that killed everybody but Noah and his family. Are we assume that somehow those little alien bastards managed to survive being drowned?
No, that makes no sense, because you see, WE'RE STILL ASSUMING ALIENS VISITED EARTH! Earth is the South Central of the universe. No alien would EVER waste its time, energy and death ray on visiting Earth.
And, of course, I can see why celebrities fall for it. They're stupid. Celebrities are so goddamned stupid, because only somebody whose brain has been fried from the limelight would willingly give their money away. Well, that's not entirely true. I wouldn't be suprised if L. Ron Hubbard came from the South. That would explain the stupidity of this.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some ass kicking to attend too.
Yeah, I can't make this up. There are no drugs that I've tried that would make me hallucinate something like that, and I've done some serious shit. Peyote, LSD, acid, angel dust, mesca-something, I've done TONS of hallucinogens, because if I'm gonna do drugs, I'm gonna be seeing weird sounds and hearing strange colors. And on none of it did I see or hear anything resembling that!
Two websites you should check out is this and this. The first, if you're too goddamn lazy to click the mouse, is the Scientology-approved website. Type in your address, town, state, and zipcode to see where your nearest church is. I'm saddened to say that, son of a bitch, even Marshall, home to some of the biggest dumbasses around, has one. The second is one I couldn't get to pull up, but you might have better luck.
I mean, I can see why the non-celebrities get into this. You actually buy into this crap, and you get to hang out with your favorite celebrities. Only somebody like Tom Cruise or John Travolta could be this goddamn stupid. To honestly believe that aliens came to Earth, fought a war, were scattered to the winds, and now reside in humans is beyond all rational thought. My first question is, who did the aliens fight? The dinosaurs? Actually, I'd buy that fucking theory, you know why? IT'D HELP EXPLAIN WHY THEY WENT EXTINCT!
So what ended up killing this invading aliens? Could that actually be the big bang? The universe created in that instant, wiping you out, and God creating Adam and Eve? Well, that's semi-plausible, except for one thing. You see, when God got pissed back in the day, He had a tendency to just kill everyone and everything. Don't believe me? Well, what about the flood and Noah's ark? According to the Old Testament, that killed everybody but Noah and his family. Are we assume that somehow those little alien bastards managed to survive being drowned?
No, that makes no sense, because you see, WE'RE STILL ASSUMING ALIENS VISITED EARTH! Earth is the South Central of the universe. No alien would EVER waste its time, energy and death ray on visiting Earth.
And, of course, I can see why celebrities fall for it. They're stupid. Celebrities are so goddamned stupid, because only somebody whose brain has been fried from the limelight would willingly give their money away. Well, that's not entirely true. I wouldn't be suprised if L. Ron Hubbard came from the South. That would explain the stupidity of this.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some ass kicking to attend too.
posted by Adam at
1:59 AM
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