You filthy tramp, you'll sleep with anything!

How fucking drunk do you have to be to fuck a barnyard animal? I propogate an even BETTER question: how fucking drunk do you have to be to fuck ANY animal, barnyard or not? A fire chief in Arizona apparently got trashed and decided he needed to fuck a lamb.

Son of a bitch, I've gotten wasted before, but never in my entire drinking life have I ever tried to fuck an animal. The best part in the report on thesmokinggun.com, is when they say he zipped up his pants and the lamb ran out of the barn he had it in. As if the lamb knew what was going on, and was like, "I don't know this motherfucka!"

Personally, I think if you absolutely have to fuck animals, you should be forced to fuck animals like alligators, sharks, bears, or rabid wolves. Why? Because if you can survive the initial mauling and attack on your ass, then you should certainly get something for your troubles. And why not that pink, virgin starfruit? I would never fuck a cow or lamb because it's wrong, and I am lactose intolerant. Plus, the lamb has been very good me as far as feeding me goes. What animal would I fuck if I got that drunk? A horse! Because a horse is a beautiful creature, and when you fuck a horse, you know you always have a ride home.

No, I really wouldn't fuck any animal because that's not only wrong and disgusting, but it's one of the few things on the planet that's impossible to rationalize with your friends. You couldn't say that you thought it was just a very hairy, ugly person, no. That shit won't fly. Even a retarded kid wouldn't buy that theory. Like, seriously, you could rationalize fucking someone of the same sex by saying you were incredibly drunk. But you couldn't do that with an animal, no way.