So you want to shave your naughty bits, eh? Well, you've come to the right person.
"but shaved vaginas just look sad and pornstarrish" - blossom *not the former tv show character, but she does know who i'm talking about*
Look, I'm gonna write a book about shaving your naughty bits. Until I can flesh it out to 100 or more pages, just read this. Because I shave my stuff every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, so I'd know a lot about this subject.
First off, be sure this is absolutely what you want. This is not something you can do halfway. Once you shave your genitals once, you gotta keep shaving them, otherwise, you'll scratch yourself raw down there. And it's happened to one of my testicles. So here is a handy-dandy list to help you in the shaving of your tool or muffin.
1. NEVER, EVER, EVER, FUCKING EVER under any circumstances shave dry. This is the reason I scratched a testicle raw for a good 10 months or so. Don't even touch up something dry. It chafes like a motherfucker, and leads to severe razor burn. If you absolutely must shave dry, wet the area and use an electric shaver. Then, rinse off in cold water.
2. Always use a shaving cream that has a rich, thick lather and contains aloe. Never use a gel, because gels don't work that well in protecting against razor burn. Also, get the shaving cream that's designed for sensitive skin. Baby oil also works, and actually results in a smoother shave.
3. You'll never cut your ball sac open, unless that's what you're intending to do. It's just not possible with a small, hand-held, normal razor. If you think that, then you also think that if you shave anywhere near your throat, you'll cut your jugular and fucking die. Well, if you think that, then leave, Grizzly Adams. I got enough stupid people coming to this blog without you.
4. Use a multi-bladed razor. Break down and buy a Schick Quattro, they work the best. It helps, trust me. When you actually start the shaving process, you'll notice it goes a lot quicker and smoother.
5. Change the blade cartridge about every 3 shaves. They get dull pretty quick, mostly because you'll be shaving a lot. The reason why you'll be shaving a lot is because the hair grows pretty quick down there, and that is an itch that even sandpaper cannot cure.
6. Stick to a schedule. Like, I personally shave Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This does two things. One, it keeps the skin smooth and soft. And two, it keeps the stubble from making me scratch all the time.
7. Use powder. A lot of powder! This keeps the itch away. I personally use Gold Bond, but regular old baby powder works just as well.
8. When you first start, use a pair of scissors to cut the excess hair away. If you pay attention to what you're doing, then you won't cut anything off. It's not that hard, and you just have to trim it down, so when you do take a razor to downtown, you won't fuck it up.
9. Don't worry if you cut yourself down there. It's actually pretty quick to heal. As in, when you get out of the shower. And it's the same kind of cut you'd get on your face. Just don't push down so hard.
10. Always rinse in cold water. Just like hot water opens pores up, cold water seals them off completely. Just rinse, BAM! and they're closed. This also helps if you've cut yourself and are bleeding a little bit.
Follow that advice, and you're good to go.
Look, I'm gonna write a book about shaving your naughty bits. Until I can flesh it out to 100 or more pages, just read this. Because I shave my stuff every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, so I'd know a lot about this subject.
First off, be sure this is absolutely what you want. This is not something you can do halfway. Once you shave your genitals once, you gotta keep shaving them, otherwise, you'll scratch yourself raw down there. And it's happened to one of my testicles. So here is a handy-dandy list to help you in the shaving of your tool or muffin.
1. NEVER, EVER, EVER, FUCKING EVER under any circumstances shave dry. This is the reason I scratched a testicle raw for a good 10 months or so. Don't even touch up something dry. It chafes like a motherfucker, and leads to severe razor burn. If you absolutely must shave dry, wet the area and use an electric shaver. Then, rinse off in cold water.
2. Always use a shaving cream that has a rich, thick lather and contains aloe. Never use a gel, because gels don't work that well in protecting against razor burn. Also, get the shaving cream that's designed for sensitive skin. Baby oil also works, and actually results in a smoother shave.
3. You'll never cut your ball sac open, unless that's what you're intending to do. It's just not possible with a small, hand-held, normal razor. If you think that, then you also think that if you shave anywhere near your throat, you'll cut your jugular and fucking die. Well, if you think that, then leave, Grizzly Adams. I got enough stupid people coming to this blog without you.
4. Use a multi-bladed razor. Break down and buy a Schick Quattro, they work the best. It helps, trust me. When you actually start the shaving process, you'll notice it goes a lot quicker and smoother.
5. Change the blade cartridge about every 3 shaves. They get dull pretty quick, mostly because you'll be shaving a lot. The reason why you'll be shaving a lot is because the hair grows pretty quick down there, and that is an itch that even sandpaper cannot cure.
6. Stick to a schedule. Like, I personally shave Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This does two things. One, it keeps the skin smooth and soft. And two, it keeps the stubble from making me scratch all the time.
7. Use powder. A lot of powder! This keeps the itch away. I personally use Gold Bond, but regular old baby powder works just as well.
8. When you first start, use a pair of scissors to cut the excess hair away. If you pay attention to what you're doing, then you won't cut anything off. It's not that hard, and you just have to trim it down, so when you do take a razor to downtown, you won't fuck it up.
9. Don't worry if you cut yourself down there. It's actually pretty quick to heal. As in, when you get out of the shower. And it's the same kind of cut you'd get on your face. Just don't push down so hard.
10. Always rinse in cold water. Just like hot water opens pores up, cold water seals them off completely. Just rinse, BAM! and they're closed. This also helps if you've cut yourself and are bleeding a little bit.
Follow that advice, and you're good to go.
posted by Adam at
2:48 AM
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