Any attempt to make any system idiot proof will only challenge God to make a better idiot.

I'd love to tell the Democrats that following that line, there's a rant about Republicans and Bush on the way, but that would make me a liar.

I'd love to tell the Republicans that following that line, there's a rant about Republican stupidity on the way so they can bitch at me for not being a true American, but that also would make me a liar.

I'd love to tell my readers that following that line, the best of the "Wendy" posts will be reproduced here just for the fuck out it, but that would also make me a liar.

I'd love to tell my readers that following that line, Tom Cruise or some other celebrity is about to be raked across the coals because I can, but that too would make me a liar.

No, following that line, I am here to tell you, first-hand, that putting a sock in the microwave for 8 minutes will set it on fire. Well, no one told me that you can't do that; after all, the microwave is so good at warming other things up.

I was at work, and had to spray out the dairy cooler. In doing so, my socks and shoes got soaked. So I put my sock in the microwave for 8 minutes in an effort to dry it. 7:30 later, I smelled something funny and ran to the microwave to find my sock on fire. Like, flaming on fire. Complete with a yellow, acidic smoke. It was hilarious, I had never done anything like that before ever. I'm the kind of guy who wrote a letter to Kellogg's asking why the fuck they had to put instructions on the packages of Pop-Tarts.

At least now I have matching pairs of socks.