"You cuss too much." Fuck yeah, I do.

I use the word fuck so much, it's no longer a word, it's a comma. And holy fuck, I have met the DUMBEST person on the planet. I was telling her that I was electrocuted by a dryer.

Before I continue, you fuckers might be wondering why I'm suddenly writing. That's because I have found my muse. Her name is Lizzie, she lives in Omaha, she is #1 on my friends list. And I'm in love with her, so fuck off. She has inspired me to write, make porn and be the funniest, best stand up comedian ever. If she has inspired me to NOT kill myself, then I want to be around her for the rest of my natural born life.

But the other person. Holy shit. She asked me if I somehow blamed Bush on thwarting the terrorist attacks, because Democrats had said that he had set that up.

First of all, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND? He wasn't on the Warren Commission, you dumb cunt. Secondly, only the dumbest of the Democrats would actually believe something like that. And not only do I think you're making that shit up because I never saw anything in the papers, I KNOW you're making that up. BECAUSE I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN ANY PAPER!! EVER!!! And I do believe that if something like that had been said, every single newspaper on the planet would've published that story. They would've dropped the Dick Cheney shooting somebody story for THAT one.

Secondly, my answer to her query was, "of course. Bad Bush, thwarting the terrorists like you said you would. How dare you? You told them...to bring it the fuck on. And they did, and when they did, you stopped them. I thought you were going to let them blow us the fuck up and you didn't. Why?"

Apparently, sarcasm is lost on her. Let me explain that she is a student at ETBU, and is not only a Christian that enjoys being titty-fucked, she is also a die-hard Republican. And a die-hard Republican in the same vein as Elizabeth Hasslebeck. Which is to say, one who is Republican only because they share somewhat similar views, but aren't really educated as to what it means to affiliate yourself with a group of assholes. Neither one are actually Republican, they just say they are to be argumentative.

Anyways, what was I saying? Oh yeah. How I found out she's dumb. I was telling her about having to hook a dryer and almost getting electrocuted. And she asks, "hair or clothes?"

I will repeat that.

I told her I had to hook up a dryer, and she asked "hair...or clothes?"

How many of you have EVER bought a hair dryer, opened it up and discovered, "oh fuck! we have to put this son of a bitch together!!!" Wait, what was that number? ZERO?!!?! Yeah. Somebody is not smart.