You know, where I come from, if a man marries a woman a few months after the fact that they've had a baby, that child is still going to be considered a bastard. In Tom Cruise's world, that's just normal. Yes, he tied the knot. Yes, I'm writing about it. Did you people actually think it wasn't coming? Of course I'm gonna make fun of him.

Mostly, I can't wait until they get a divorce. 'Cause we all know it's gonna happen. Look at Britney and Kevin. They are the celebrity equivalent to Wendy and Blake, and they didn't last. And to be honest, I thought those two white trash, inbred hillbillies would have gone the distance. But alas, they did not, and now he's countersuing for custody. The good news for somebody in that is that there is an ironclad pre-nup. So either Kevin Federline is in for a huge payday, or Britney Spears is about to make the man homeless.

Anyways, the reason I can't wait for the Tom Cruise divorce. Can you imagine it? I can. He goes on Oprah, and she says something like, "hey, Tom, remember when you were so in love with this girl, you were jumping up and down on my fucking couch?" Then, instead of replying like a normal person, Tom will say some crazy ass shit about Scientology. 'Cause I dunno about you, but personally, this fucking leprechaun is getting more and more insane as time passes. It's not even like when Michael Jackson went nuttier and nuttier, which would later prove to be for his fans. No, Tom Cruise is getting more and more insane, and it's for nobody's benefit! NOBODY'S! You've seen it over the past year, and it hasn't even peaked yet! And when it does, holy fuck shit, it's going to the craziest fucking thing you've ever seen in your entire life.