Let me see you on the street, I'll leave you wherever I find you, you hillbilly-degenerate motherfucker.

Sometimes when I get bored, I go to wikipedia and look up random things. Like one time I spent the entire day looking up porn starlets. Sad, but true. Sad, but fucking true. Today I looked up the Dixie Chicks, 'cause if I were given half a chance, I'd fuck those three hotties 8 ways from Sunday. The Kama Sutra wouldn't have shit on me and them.

But in reading about them, you will inevitably read about their little spat with the rest of America who's so pro-Bush, they ignored the fact that when Natalie Maines said that they were ashamed of Bush being from Texas, they were enjoying "freedom of speech." And of course, when somebody insults the government, you can be damn sure that either Toby Keith or Larry the Cable Guy will involve themselves in it. But this is about Toby Keith.

Except for this paragraph, where I will rip Larry the Cable Guy. If you like this "comedian," and I use that word loosely, you're what's wrong this country. You might get mad about me saying that, but you're not focusing on a bigger issue: why do you like shitty comedians?! Whenever I hear people describing him, they always say how brilliant he is. Then why the fuck does he spend a goddamn hour-and-a-half talking like a hick that dropped out of high school so he could pick boogers and make fart jokes?! If he were as smart as they say he is, he'd have an act reminiscent of Lewis Black or David Cross, or even Ron White. But no, instead, we get fart jokes, booger jokes, lame wordplay jokes, and him constantly yelling out "git 'r done!"

Anyways. Natalie, the sexiest of the Chicks, decides that Toby Keith's song where he talks about putting a boot in somebody's ass makes country music look ignorant. I must say, though, Nat, that he's been doing that for years. It'd kind of hard not too, when you're a gigantic waterhead-lookin' motherfucker like he is. Anyways, his idea of fighting back was saying that she can't write songs, and that he's a songwriter. Well, that may be asshat, but you don't write a song about it being the American way to put a boot in somebody's ass. That's like being proud of being a redneck hillbilly motherfucker who beats the fuck out of people who disagree with him.

But in doing some more research, I find that the war the Dixie Chicks eventually protested against is also a war that Keith never supported. Wait, let me understand this: you don't support the war and yet you have the balls to get pissed at them?! What the fuck kind of logic are you using, you shit-kicking, cowboy motherfucker? Seriously. That is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard in my entire life. If you're gonna say some shit like that, then just stay quiet. Or, in an extreme case, fucking lie.


*remember the scene in Casino where Joe Pesci beats the fuck out of the country fucker for putting his feet up on the table? I wanted to link that, but couldn't find it.