Yay for Jell-O!!!

If'n I don't get some pussy sometime very soon, I think I may have to kill somebody and fuck their corpse. And if you think I'm bullshitting, come live where I live. Nothing but hotties all over the place.

Today at work, I overheard somebody say, "all I want in a man is somebody who is kind, smart, funny, honest, and handsome."

What they really meant to say is, "I want somebody who will treat me like a bag of Paris Hilton douche and thinks that somehow, on some planet far, far, far away somebody like Carlos Mencia is funny. Carlos Mencia is funny in the same way Garfield is funny: once in a blue fuckin' moon. And that's it.

...I'm getting offtrack here, but the girl sitting next to me is a kind of "let's fuck right now on the table" sexy. I bet she's not wearing any panties.

*feigns dropping a pen*

Nope. And the dress is just rolled up slightly, with her legs parted ever so slightly, wait, scratch that, with her legs parted like she wants to climb in between them and eat her like a Jew seeing water after wandering around in the desert for 40 fuckin' years... My God, woman! I haven't gotten near a pussy this achin' to be fucked in years. She could have the intelligence of a casaba melon, I'd still fuck her 3 ways from sunday.

Come home to Jamaica.