Myspace.com sucks.

That's right, I said it. And if you get upset over that, then you're what's wrong with this country.

This website, which I joined only to mock and ridicule Tila Tequila, is wholly without substance and is like the retarded child that is given attention just because. I don't know what's more pathetic: the fact that I stayed on the site so long, or the fact that Tom is your one default friend.

Let me explain why I hate myspace. For one, the bulletin board has become this place where spam email (that would've been deleted long ago) has now found a place to thrive, much like herpes and Paris Hilton's vagina. You never have people saying on their bulletins, "hey, there's a party happenin! Come join the fun!" No, no. Instead, you get people putting up crap like, "hey, if you agree with this stupid crap about being pro-God, repost this with the title 'Yay for God!'" Or 100 random facts about themselves that nobody gives a rat's hairy nutsack about. I got news for you: if any of you enjoy rock music or chinese food, I don't care. Nobody cares. Not even your significant other, who has been dating you, so they fucking know what you like and dislike.

That's a waste of bytes. Or something computer related. It's not really time-relevant to me, because I never read the fuckers to begin with. You could have it say, "Adam, read this bulletin and Halle Berry will magically appear right next to you! And she'll be happy to see you!" and I still wouldn't click. No, not because I know that for anything to Harry-fuck-Potter themselves to a location, we would need to exist in the confines of the actual books, but because it would mean that I would have to read some bullshit article on how some random biker was killed because a douchebag motorist didn't see him, or some such bullshit. First of all, it's not like bikers are as cool and awesome as pirates, so I say, "fuck bikers." Unless you're a Hell's Angel type of biker. In which case, I say it in my head.

Another bad thing is the fact that people still have private fuck profiles. Fucking why?! It's an online community! Make them public and shut the fuck up about how some stalker might see you and kill you. That is so self-centered and unlikely of happening on the 15th of "NEVER IN THIS FUCKING TIMELINE!!!" Let me explain how stalkers work: if you're famous. And that's about it. Don't think that just because Micheal J. Fox and Kevin Costner were stalked by crazy people, it's gonna happen to you. 'Cause it won't.

Speaking of profiles, you know what's annoying? When I try to reach out and touch (THANKS, AT&T!) old friends from high school and the sons-of-motherfucking-bitches never reply back. Let me clear something up: if your life is that fucking busy, explain why you have a myspace account to BEGIN WITH! What's the fucking point? It's so frustrating, it makes me want to headbutt a kitten.

But, and here's the M. Night Shamalamadingdong twist, I can't delete my personal myspace. My friend Jessica would have a cow that one of her only friends has bounced. And while normally I don't care, I do like her company and the two times we've bumped uglies. Yeah, boy!