And I thought Date Movie was uninspired and piss-poor. I was wrong.
So, I was right. I got suckered into seeing John Tucker Must Die. Lemme explain the shittiness of the movie, 1 week after the fact.
Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty.
Shitty shitty.
I finally figured out how a guy can date 3 women at one time in the same school without any of them knowing: he dated girls from different cliques so they'd NEVER meet each other. Brilliant, isn't it? Simple, yet brilliant.
No, it's not! It's fucking stupid! I don't care what you say, you cannot ever date 3 high school girls at the same time in the same school! You wanna know why? BECAUSE HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS ARE CATTY, CHATTY LITTLE BITCHES!!!! It's called 6 degrees of seperation! There's no fucking way in hell in any universe that this could happen. Let's mark off the girls, shall we? You have the head cheerleader, already the target of gossip by, well, everyone in that school. Then you're dating a smart girl who's doing all sorts of things for her college application. Surely everyone would notice that you're out with the overachiever. Oh, and the hot, slutty, slightly bi-sexual vegan that's surprised he's put his cock in any other woman. Oh, and he tells them they have to keep it secret because during basketball season, his dad doesn't want him dating. What the fuck does his dad think his son does on Friday and Saturday nights?
"Dad, the guys and I are going to go help out at the hospital."
"It's 9 p.m., and you're wearing Aramis cologne. HAVE FUN!"
Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously. I would rather have you just shit in front of me and tell me it's Swiss chocolate, than have me try to believe this strained plot. I laughed not once during this crapola. Not. Once. I didn't laugh at the big food fight at the end, when everybody learned their lesson. I didn't laugh when they took pictures of John Tucker and then put them on those pre-movie advertisements saying he had herpes. I didn't laugh when they had him wear a thong so he could try to get into the heroine's pants. I didn't even laugh when the fat girl said she was a virgin, but it's not her fault that she has to use jumbo tampons because of heavy flow days, and she has a wide set vagina.
Oh wait, that was Mean Girls and I did laugh at that. The whole point of this movie was to convince us that the three dumbest fucking girls in a faux high school would and should plot revenge against a guy who cheated on all of them. When in reality, what they should have done is a) kill themselves for being stupider than Paris Hilton, Tara Reid and Wendy combined (and that's a whole lot of stupid), because their children would probably be just as dumb as they are. Or b), cut the foreplay, taken an Uzi to class and fucking shot John Tucker. And let's be honest, after recent events, a school shooting is more believable than what these three twats did.
Now go get me some fucking jelly!
Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty.
Shitty shitty.
I finally figured out how a guy can date 3 women at one time in the same school without any of them knowing: he dated girls from different cliques so they'd NEVER meet each other. Brilliant, isn't it? Simple, yet brilliant.
No, it's not! It's fucking stupid! I don't care what you say, you cannot ever date 3 high school girls at the same time in the same school! You wanna know why? BECAUSE HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS ARE CATTY, CHATTY LITTLE BITCHES!!!! It's called 6 degrees of seperation! There's no fucking way in hell in any universe that this could happen. Let's mark off the girls, shall we? You have the head cheerleader, already the target of gossip by, well, everyone in that school. Then you're dating a smart girl who's doing all sorts of things for her college application. Surely everyone would notice that you're out with the overachiever. Oh, and the hot, slutty, slightly bi-sexual vegan that's surprised he's put his cock in any other woman. Oh, and he tells them they have to keep it secret because during basketball season, his dad doesn't want him dating. What the fuck does his dad think his son does on Friday and Saturday nights?
"Dad, the guys and I are going to go help out at the hospital."
"It's 9 p.m., and you're wearing Aramis cologne. HAVE FUN!"
Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously. I would rather have you just shit in front of me and tell me it's Swiss chocolate, than have me try to believe this strained plot. I laughed not once during this crapola. Not. Once. I didn't laugh at the big food fight at the end, when everybody learned their lesson. I didn't laugh when they took pictures of John Tucker and then put them on those pre-movie advertisements saying he had herpes. I didn't laugh when they had him wear a thong so he could try to get into the heroine's pants. I didn't even laugh when the fat girl said she was a virgin, but it's not her fault that she has to use jumbo tampons because of heavy flow days, and she has a wide set vagina.
Oh wait, that was Mean Girls and I did laugh at that. The whole point of this movie was to convince us that the three dumbest fucking girls in a faux high school would and should plot revenge against a guy who cheated on all of them. When in reality, what they should have done is a) kill themselves for being stupider than Paris Hilton, Tara Reid and Wendy combined (and that's a whole lot of stupid), because their children would probably be just as dumb as they are. Or b), cut the foreplay, taken an Uzi to class and fucking shot John Tucker. And let's be honest, after recent events, a school shooting is more believable than what these three twats did.
Now go get me some fucking jelly!
posted by Adam at
8:45 AM
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