"Because I'm Paris Hilton."

According to a recent article, Hugh Hefner has been after Paris to pose in Playboy since she was the wee age of 17. He's even offered her more money than she apparently already has. I'm not sure why Hef is trying so hard to get her to pose naked. How many people, honestly, are there that haven't seen that walking, talking whorebag completely ass naked?

I don't even have to try anymore. I just go to Google and type in Paris Hilton. And that's it; I don't have to type the word nude following that, I don't even have to search in the images portion of Google. I just type in her name, and Google does the hard work for me. Or, I could just type in her first or last name, nothing else and nude photos of her sucking cock or getting fucked doggy style What's really fucked up about that last part is that before I see photos of the City of Lights or a Hilton hotel, I see photos of her doing sexual things. Like sucking cocks. Or getting fucked with her green, alien eyes during the night vision portion of that porno.

I mean, I can kinda see why she doesn't pose. But at the same time, I'm thinking, 'just go ahead and do it. Pose and that'll be the end of it. From that point on, you could go no further in the sex industry.' You know how I know that? Because most people will pose, THEN fuck on camera. Paris did it the other way around. At this point, she's got nothing left in her, she has gone gentle into that good night. I'm assuming that having intercourse with her at this point would be like putting your dick in a coffee can.

"Can you feel anything?"

"If you do circles, I can."

That's actually kind of gross, but it's also funny as hell.