True Story.

North Korea is now a nuclear power. I was asked at work today why the entire world was making a big deal about it, when other countries have had nuclear weapons for years.

"Oh, that's simple. You see, those countries, while led by mad-as-fuck-all leaders like Castro and Kruschev, they realized that shooting a nuclear weapon at the U.S. is like asking for having the living fuck beaten out of them. See, Kimmie Gibler, as I like to call Kim Jong Il, knows this, but is so goddamn insane, he literally does not give a flying fuck. This is a man, who a few months ago, tried to launch a missile across the Pacific Ocean, and explained his reasoning behind it was, essentially, 'just to see if I could.' Kimmie would fire a nuclear missile, and use the same reasoning, or say that he wanted to see what it would do. Or use the threat to keep the U.N., which is considering sanctions against him, out of North Korea. Of course, he forgets who our president is."

Then I was asked what Bush had to do with all of this. And I answered.

"Well, you see, Bush...is from Texas. A place that loves guns, hunting and the killing of anything. Essentially, when we had our last election, we the American people had a choice between Elmer Fudd or Yosemite fuck Sam. And we picked a man who has started a war with a country of religiously insane individuals to lead our country and help decide when we need to go to a foreign land and beat the ever living fuck out of someone. Kimmie Gibler needs to realize that if he thinks that he has testicles big enough to threaten Bush, Bush will remind that no, he fuckin' doesn't."

I educated the store, a group of people who are really too goddamn stupid to be allowed to pro-create, on world politics and the military.

Another true story is that the other day, I was discussing the finer points of Lifetime. Basically, I admitted to watching Golden Girls, then busted out into the theme song. A couple of customers saw and heard me, laughed, and I walked away. When I came back, I said I take requests, and the guy said, "how about Rocket Man?"

Here was my performance.

And the last true story is that I love musicals. The idea of walking down the street and just busting out into song appeals to me more than the idea of Halle Berry asking me to marry her, and as a wedding gift, showing up naked, in bed, with a jar of smooth, creamy peanut butter. Today, though, I got really close to my dream of being in a lifelong musical. We were taking a deliver in Tyler, and this woman had her radio playing. A song that we all want to sing along too and dance too was playing. The song and dance I knew. The song and dance, I sang and danced. The entire song I sang. The entire dance I danced. ALL of it. Let everyone rockhard tasty abs to this.

And I'm out.