Let me see you on the street, I'll leave you wherever I find you, you hillbilly-degenerate motherfucker. Part 2.

Occasionally, after I've written something, I come up with a better and funnier way to make everyone laugh and say, "yeah! Let's kick some ass!!" In this one, I dissect the lyrics to Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue.


Verse 1:
American girls and American guys
We'll always stand up and salute
We'll always recognize when we see old glory flying
Theres a lot of men dead so we can sleep in peace at night
When we lay down our head

*True, but then again, veterans of World War II are dying at an alarming rate. What, that was the last time any war was fought that could arguably be about freedom. Oh, yeah right, like Ho Chi fuck Minh and his Vietcong army was gonna come rolling down Broadway flying the hammer and sickle. Even if he had somehow lived to see the outcome of the war (he died about 1 or 2 after the U.S. became involved), he still wouldn't have sent troops over here. You know why? 'Cause we would've fucked them up 3 ways from Sunday. The only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang. And that's all she wrote.


Verse 2:
My daddy served in the army
Where he lost his right eye
But he flew a flag out in our yard, until the day that he died
He wanted my mother, my brother, my sister and me
To grow up and live happy, in the land of the free.

*Oh really, fucknut? I was born blind in my right eye. And the son of a bitch is crossed. Top that.


Verse 3:
Now this nation that I love
Has fallen under attack
A mighty sucker punch came flyin' in
From somewhere in the back
Soon as we could see clearly through our big black eye
Man, we lit up your world like the 4th of July


*Yeah, except a sucker punch is when you don't really expect it. Kind of like the time when John Wilkes Booth assassinated Lincoln. Or when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor*. See, what makes 9.11 not a sucker punch is because, um, we had intelligence to show us that there was an attack being planned, but everybody chose to ignore the intelligence. So while it makes for a nice line in a song, it's also, uh, wrong. And we didn't light up their world like the 4th of July, so much as we dropped a bunch of bombs, and then sent in troops to kill anybody left over. If we lit up their world like the 4th of July, something tells me we'd still be talking about that shit to this day.

Verse 4:
Hey Uncle Sam
Put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty started shakin her fist
And the eagle will fly
Man, its gonna be hell when you hear mother freedom
Start ringin her bell
And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Brought to you courtesy of the red white and blue

* The Statue of Liberty? The gift from France that's been a symbol a peace since it's design? That symbol of peace started shaking her fist? I mean, obviously not literally shaking her fist, 'cause it's an inanimate object incapable of movement without Mood Slime (trademark from Ghostbusters II) and Jackie Wilson. But you mean to tell me that you just decided that a symbol that was designed for peace to help usher in and welcome immigrants from across the world has suddenly became a symbol of WAR?! ARE YOU RIGHT THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR SMALL, GOP-LEANING MIND?!!?!?! THAT'S THE DUMBEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE, AND MY GOVERNOR IS RICK FUCKIN' PERRY**!!!

Verse 5:
Justice will be served
And the battle will rage
This big dog will fight
When you rattle his cage
And youll be sorry that you messed with
The U.S. of A. 'cause we'll put a boot in your ass
Its the American way

*Yes, it's the American way to show how stupid and violent we are. 'Cause if we don't like how you do shit, we'll break the door down and fuck you up. Not really, no. Just if you, you know attack us. But then again, that's also the Canadian way, the Mexican way, the Australian way, the Irish way (definitely the Irish way), and pretty much any country with any self-respect way. Are you fucking serious? There's not a country or government around today that would let somebody get away with that shit if they were from out-of-town. I guaran-fuck-tee you that if an American went to Cuba and blew up a small chunk of Havana, the Cuban government would start kicking some American ass. It's just a common courtesy. Blow up your own people, that's fine, but it's kind of an unspoken rule that you don't act like a dick to everyone else. Kim Jong "Kimmie Gibler" Il knows this, but then again, he's gone insane with power and dickheaded-ness. Here, to put it another way: not even the French would allow for that pussy-ass 9/11 bullshit to go down in France. That I promise you.


Verse 6:
Repeat of verse 4

By the way, I reprinted this song without Toby Keith's knowledge or permission. If you have something to say about it, then come on down, as they say in The Price is Right. Better bring a sack lunch, 'cause I ain't no easy win, nigga. I may not be skilled in kung-fu or any of that bullshit, but I am skilled in Joe Pesci-fu.











*there is some that say that the U.S. government had intelligence pointing out that the Japanese were going to attack. I think that is some bullshit. however, we DID have the intelligence pointing out an attack like 9/11.

**by the by, I'm all for Rick Perry selling the state lotto to a private firm, except that he should've kept the part about how they might make more money than the state a secret. That's like saying, "Kennedy's assassination wasn't part of a conspiracy!" and then showing us photos of the grassy knoll with 5 gunmen with automatic rifles.