In the land of bad ideas, this will reign supreme as the King of all Kings. It is the Jesus Christ of bad ideas.

So a county in Kentucky is going to 4-day school weeks to help curtail the rising cost of gas. And no, I'm not making this up, I can't, I haven't been doing drugs today at all. In a state that is overflowing with retards and dumbasses, you'd think they cut costs in some other area, but no.

My favorite part of the story is where other counties in Kentucky have made budget cuts in areas like sports and field trips. Not Jackson County. Oh, no. Damn that. In a place that should force kids to go to school 6 goddamn days a week, they are cutting back by one. Who gives a shit if it's for a few months?! You live in KENTUCKY. A state that literally promotes inbreeding more than Mississippi, something I thought wasn't possible.

I can tell this is a bad idea, because not enough kids are being educated today. You'll notice that one school wasn't shut down because they did well on statewide tests. Who gives a shit? Schools need to stop worrying about standardized tests and whatnot and focus on educating the students. A standardized test lets me know that my child can memorize useless information that he'd learn anyway if he were actually being taught in class. I say fuck these stupid tests, and close a school down if it'll cut costs. The kids can move to other schools, and the teachers can move into other areas of education.

I'll probably blame this on Bush completely. In about 10 years, I'll grab him by his hair, drag his ass to Kentucky and say, "look, you dumb prick! This is what you get for making oil and gas super expensive!! Look at the hillbillies poking themselves in the eye! Those are the SMART ones!!"

Then I would probably hit him with something large, heavy and blunt.

There are many reasons why this is a bad idea. One is that I doubt the classtime will change to make up for the lost day. If you have 90-minute classes, and you skip a day, then the school day should either run longer, or you should go to a block sheduling with 90-minute classes. That way, it'll be harder for me to say that the cause of the kids being dumber than Paris Hilton is because they have only 4 days of classes.

And you know the kids don't care. That's an extra day to cook the meth and make the moonshine. And fuck their sisters.

Personally, I don't see how buses can be using that much gas. I mean, honestly, they have no air conditioning, barely any heating, and last I checked, diesel fuel gets about, oh, 50 miles to the gallon on the highway. This is why they should have to fill up once every other day, if you cut out things like field trips and letting the drivers take the bus back to their home. And who the fuck would want to take the bus and park it front of their homes? That's advertising that you're a dumbshit who didn't bother to read or pay attention in class.

Of course, you could also end up like that when you go to school for 4 days.

Maybe Katrina washed away all the white trash that was in Mississippi. 'Cause honestly, who wouldn't have put money on this shit to happen there?

Go buy the latest issue of People magazine. If you can't find it, it's the low-rent version of Entertainment Weekly, which in turn is a snide, low-rent version of several entertainment media magazines thrown together with smart ass comments about a celebrity they suck up too 6 pages later. And you'll want to read this firsthand, because what I'm about to tell you, you will believe I made up. But I didn't, because there are NO hallucinogenic drugs that can make me see what I saw.

In the most recent issue, and hurry because it's a weekly publication, there was a story about a 22-year-old man from Nebraska who had a child with his 14-year-old girlfriend. Wait, wait, it gets better. The fucker takes his girlfriend to Kansas to get married, so he can make an honest woman out of her.

Way to think that one through, Einstein. Maybe you should've put one or two more brain cells to work on that brain-buster. Personally, and maybe I'm nuts, I would've waited until she was 18 before I stuck my penis into her vagina. But that's just me, and my brain is still functioning because I don't live in my parent's basement.

If you people think it couldn't get better, you're wrong. Apparently, they started dating when he was 20 and she was 12. A state attorney is seeking to have the dude arrested on statutory rape charges because apparently, the girl is refusing to say he raped her in the classical sense of the word. Ask me why he took her to Kansas to get married.

"Why?"

Because the legal age to get married with parental consent is 12. That means that the girl's mother had to sign a form saying this pedophile could marry her daughter because he knocked her up. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!

To prove how dumb the citizens of Nebraska are, they are actually FOR the marriage of the 14-year-old mother and the 22-year-old man! Their argument is, "why break up the family when she's a freshman in high school and can't support herself?" To which I reply to the citizens of this very misguided state: "um, I think you just answered your own question, fucknuts. Show of hands, who here has heard of ADOPTION?"

If they see nothing wrong with any of this, then I should be allowed to kill everyone in that state. Except the prosecutor, who is apparently the only one with any intelligence and common sense.

Yeah, let's waste some more time and money that we don't have.

So Bush wants to head an investigation into why federal response was, and apparently continues to be, so slow into New Orleans. Why? A 5-year-old could tell you why it was so slow. That's not a question that should be asked right now. The question that should be asked right now is, "what about the other places Katrina hit?" Places like Mississippi and the towns that were essentially obliterated off the face of the Earth after she went roaring through there.

Don't mistake this for a "who cares?" line of thinking here, either. New Orleans is important, but you're wasting a lot of shit that nobody has to conduct a completely bullshit investigation. Stop this crap, be a man and get more federal aid to New Orleans and Mississippi. You can wait a couple of months AFTER everything's been cleaned up before you play the whole good cop/bad cop routine.

You wanna know why everything's been so slow? Here's why: when was the last time Nawlin's was hit with a storm of this magnitude? 1969. The town is out of practice, and if you can't see that, you're dumber than I had originally given you credit for, which was pretty goddamn stupid. A storm comes rolling through, flooding a town that is already under sea-level as is kept afloat through a series of hard working levees and water pumps. Do the math, you stupid prick! I know your father invented fuzzy math, but for the love of all intelligent beings.

You should've had people just in waiting for when it hit, if not for the fact that weathermen were saying it's the worst hurricane in recent years, then for the fact that it would've just made common sense to have a huge group of National Guardsmen in waiting with boats and water and food and medical supplies. I mean, I know you're not an enviromentalist, Bush, but for fuck's sake, it wouldn't hurt you to LISTEN to people outside of your Cabinet. If anything, it'd be the smart thing to do.

And while it may be unfair to saddle the blame completely on you, it's going to happen. Not from me, but from other people, like dumbass celebrities who show up with a 40 person entourage that includes photographers and assistants. It's time for you to take control of the situation and be a leader. That town is a bed of corruption and laid-back-ness. The mayor didn't pull out the school buses during the mandatory evacuation, and instead elected to send them to the Superdome. That would've made sense had you not been able to get everyone out after the buses left.

I just touched up on the other thing about all this. All the celebrities who're complaining that Bush's administration isn't doing enough. If memory serves, I think 5 of you soulless fuckers have sent money, and 2 of those same 5 have actually gone to the city. But when that tsunami hit, holy shit were ya'll down there in abundance.

But I digress. Bush, stop pussy-footing around and just send aid. Visit the area all you want, but let's be honest, you can't do shit down there. You're not a law officer trained to deal with looter. You can fix the levees. What you should be doing is sitting in the Oval Office, sending as much aid as you can to New Orleans and Mississippi.